my friends sister was telling me about how in highschool a guy tried to take a picture up her skirt as she was walking up stairs and she saw, grabbed his phone, broke it in half, and handed it back to him and said “you can tell your mom why your phones broken”
for a second I forgot about flip phones and I was like how in the holy hell did she rip a phone in half
THERE’S THIS JAPANESE EXCHANGE STUDENT IN MY MATH CLASS AND HE SITS NEXT TO ME AND TODAY I HAD MY HAND RAISED FOR LIKE 15 MINUTES BUT MY TEACHER DIDNT PICK ON ME SO I SAID “notice me senpai” AND THE JAPANESE EXCHANGE STUDENT TURNS TO ME AND STARTS LAUGHING AND HE BARLEY SPEAKS ENGLISH AND IM STILL EMBARRASSED
MONKEYS in the ARCTIC?! whats next, vampires on the weekend?!
imagine being in ravenclaw and going back to your common room stumbling drunk in the middle of the night after a magical night of partying and having to answer a fucking riddle in order to get in your own goddamn bedroom
"what gets wetter and wetter the more it dries"
"your mom eeyyyyyyy"